לונלינאס

Loneliness, is what has brought me to write this post. In short, my girlfriend and I, in a relationship for a little longer than 8 months, are no longer together. I am at a loss of words in how to explain what I felt I lost.

So now, this past week and weekend I have been all alone. She however, has been busy, beyond all get-out, with family and friends providing her more and more love. At first I was jealous, upset, angry that she would not call me, want to hangout or spend time with me. Angry that I was all alone had no friends no family to sit here and keep my mind off of her. However, after days of feeling "The Great Sadness" my Father finally broke my Spirit. So why, during such a difficult time do I feel alone?

Well, I finally realized that I had a history of running to anyone and everyone when I feel or felt lonely, but never running to my Father, who knew what it was like to be alone when he was forsaken on the Cross, to fulfill me. However, this time, my Father graciously removed all my friends and family so that the only person I could turn to was Him. Sure, I did not first see it and continued to put pressure on my now friend girl. To her, if she ever reads this, I am truly sorry. I am sorry for all the pain that I put you through, that I put us through, I hope that you can forgive me, not only now, but also in the future, as I know again I will fail.

So advice to those who are lonely. Do not run, do not hide, embrace and take the time to be lonely. Realize that loneliness is an opportunity for your Father to speak to you, and for you to Listen. Psalm 22, is an amazing passage of scripture that points to our Fathers never ending love and faithfulness. Do not turn to your friends, family, or significant other first. No, rather first, turn to Him, and spend those days relying on Him. For after a while you will find happiness in Him and then He will provide those who you should turn to for even more support.

For when God is in control why should we worry, give of your plans and pick up His.

mtb - monon

Just got back from mtb on the monon from 46th St. to 156th St. I finally found the end of the monon in roughly 40 minutes, of hard riding. It is amazing how free I feel when I ride. On the way back, again, my Father showed up on the last leg as a Red Robin swopped down in front of me and then disappeared quickly. Again, I felt the presence of my Father.

Thank you Father, again. I needed that.

mtb - brown county

Alex, Johnny, and myself hit the mtb trail in Brown County today. Soaked and all, we were quick to got suited up and on the trail. The trail itself was slippery, wet, and dangerous. Being dangerous is however what keeps me coming back to the trail. Realizing that I usually live the safe and simple life. On the trail I feel this sense of danger, where trees who seem so innocent become death traps, as you fly by, carelessly.
To make this story make more sense, I am reading "The Shack" and am begining to feel that my Father is surrounding me in all areas. So as I was riding, I cam upon these beautiful white tailed deer on the side of the trail. Immediately, for some unknown reason, I said, "Hey, Father." Haha, realizing what I had said, I looked at those deer much differently than I have ever before. As I rode closer the deer scurried off and I again was left alone, cruising through His creation, realizing that my Father was saying hi and reminding me He is always watching and caring.

Thank you Father!

I created this blog so that I can begin to focus on the detail rather than the speed in life.